He Gives More Grace

Do you ever have those days where it seems like there's a constant battle going on in your mind? A battle of desires? When your spirit is willing, but your flesh is weak? And because it can get so frustrating, you get caught up in it and it causes you to be blinded to everything and everyone around you and when someone tries to talk to you, you snap and say things the wrong way? And they hurt? And you hurt?

Yeah. That's been me lately. My mind has been a minefield. A battleground. A seemingly constant flow of ammunition, good and not so good. And right after I think I have finished one battle, another one starts. And I try to take the side of "taking every thought captive and make it obedient unto Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5), but sometimes I'm just exhausted and I give up and everything seems to blow up right in my face.

I'm finding that the root cause of these lost battles is disappointments. Unmet expectations. Wanting something and not getting it. Take last night, for example. I had a LONG day at school. I got out later than I had hoped. I missed my little brother's basketball game. Play practice went longer than I thought. And when I got home, I just wanted to be alone and not talk to anyone...but my parent's were up. And being the amazing people they are, they asked me about my day and how I was. Normally, this would have been fine. I love talking with my mom and dad and SO appreciate that they care about me and how I'm doing. But because my day was chalk-full of frustrations and disappointments, and because I chose to dwell on those things, the whole time I was talking with them I was brewing on the inside. I completely forgot the whole "take every thought captive" thing and ended up blowing up at my mom for really no reason at all. And after I thought about it, I realized the root cause of my blow-up was from all the disappointments of my day. I let them build up so much, it blinded me from seeing my parents' sincerity and I blew them off and they got hurt. And I hurt.

So this morning as I was reading my Bible, I read this in James 4:1-3,6a:

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with the wrong motives...BUT HE GIVES MORE GRACE..." (emphasis mine)

Wow.

I really couldn't believe it. It was like being put in front of a mirror. That was my night last night. To a "t".

So I've been thinking about these verses all day. And I'm finding it's SO easy to stay in the rut of "I wanted something, but I didn't get it. I cannot have what I want." Even when I have asked God for certain things, when I cam completely honest with myself, I have asked with the wrong motives. Selfish, ugly motives that only bring instant pleasure...which is totally not of Jesus.

It's so easy to focus on the negative. But I love verse 6: "BUT HE GIVES MORE GRACE..."

Wow. God gives more grace.

More than He already gives, which is more than we can comprehend because every breath we breathe is because of His grace. EVERYTHING is because of His grace.

And He gives more.

I seriously can't wrap my mind around this right now. I am at a loss for words. In the midst of our struggles to keep our thoughts in obedience to Jesus...in the midst of our fights and quarrels...in the midst of our desires that wage war in our souls...in the midst of our wrong motives...HE GIVES MORE GRACE. Not saying those things are ok or He'll look past them...because we are definitely called to repentance. But in our repentance we find grace. In His forgiveness, we find His grace.

IN EVERYTHING HE GIVES MORE GRACE.

Grace to fight through the struggles. Grace to choose obedience. Grace to change our motives. Grace to ask. Grace to live at His feet.

Wow.

HE GIVES MORE GRACE.