am i being too optimistic?

so it's the end of the day...and all i can do is smile.

not because my day was full of funny/happy things...but because it was full of, shall we say, "a series of unfortunate events"...as follows:

~losing $20
~spilling a smoothie in my car while looking for said $20
~almost forgetting my keys at the restaurant
~unknowingly dropping my phone in the parking lot at work...in the rain...and not realizing until i got home.
~being tired

so...why am i smiling?

because really, in the big scheme of things, all these things are SO trivial.

~maybe someone found the $20 that really needed it. and really...what was i gonna use it for anyway?
~the remainder of the smoothie was a reminder of the incredibly encouraging time i had at starbucks today with a dear friend i haven't seen for almost a year. plus...now my car smells like strawberries!
~the man who was my server was so gracious and half walk/ran after me to give me my keys...so kind he was!
~my big brother lives close to my work, so he drove over there (after just getting home from a long day at work) and found my phone...and it is now drying at his house. (how awesome is he?!??)
~being tired caused me to be in more constant conversation with God today...cuz i needed His strength to get through my day!

am i being too optimistic? some may think so. but i look at it this way:

if all i choose to look at is the negative in my day and dwell on all that went WRONG, i am totally missing out on the gifts that i DID receive throughout the day. and looking back on all of them, there was always good that came from it.

choosing thanks is a choice. choosing thanks changes perspective.

things could be SO much worse for me...on so many levels. plus, the bright spots in my day COMPLETELY outweigh the bummers.

it's like this. if you're outside and it's pitch dark and all the sudden you see a glimmer of light, where do your eyes go? to the light. and we go to the light because in the deepest parts of us, we're all aching and believing for one glimmer of hope.

we can choose to have that same perspective on life. in the midst of our darkest days...or the days when everything kinda seems to go downhill...we can choose to stay in the dark...or walk toward the light.

walk in the light...find the gifts...give thanks.

so, i end my day today smiling. smiling in joy because of the beauty of life and friendship and big brothers who take care of me and the freedom of not having my phone for a while and the reality that money is just temporary that i have a God who says i can come to Him when i am tired and weary and heavy laden and He will give me rest...true rest.

why are you smiling today?


*CHALLENGE*: make a "happy list" every day for 30 days. then drop me a note about the results...

Love'sNotBlind

I was afraid of what I’d see. Afraid of what HE would see…if I looked at him. If I really, truly looked at him-his eyes. He would pass by and I would glance his direction, almost pretending I didn’t see him standing there. But as hard as I tried to ignore him, I couldn’t deny him. I felt his gaze; not harsh or uncomfortable-just steady. Persistent. And I think that’s what got me-what caused me to feel unsettled. He wanted to talk with me, spend time with me…just BE with me. Io wanted it too-but I was afraid to face him-afraid he wouldn’t like who I was or what he saw. What if I wasn’t all he expected me to be? What if I disappointed him? And…what if he wasn’t who I thought him to be…and what if he was?

Somewhere deep in my heart, I knew he was safe, fully worthy of my trust. Somewhere deep in my heart, I knew he loved me. Unashamedly and ravishingly. And that’s what scared me. His love. I had loved before and it left me disappointed. What if that happened again? I expected his love and eyes to be the same…I WANTED them to be the same…as the one I loved before, because it was safe. Something familiar. Yet at the same time, I longed for something more. Something deeper.

After many weeks and months of ignoring him, or gathering up the courage to talk to him and then backing out (can I get a witness?!)-after hours of wondering, waiting, and wondering some more what it would be like to talk with him-to actually look at him-his eyes- and spend time with him-I decided to meet him. I wasn’t sure when, but I didn’t want to miss the chance, even though he seemed to show up everywhere I went.

I woke up this morning to a knock at the Door. It was early. I didn’t’ want to get up. Sleep beckoned me…but the knowing was steady. Persistent. I decided to get up and open the Door. And who else was standing there…but Him. He was here. In my Home…at my Door. Could this really be happening? I wasn’t ready…prepared. My Home was messy. I was a mess. And He wanted to come in? He stood there at my Door with a smile on His face, patiently waiting for me to welcome Him in. He didn’t seem to mind the mess, He just wanted to spend time together.

All of my fears came true. All but one.

From the moment I opened the door, I avoided looking into His eyes. I was still afraid to see-and be seen by Him. His gaze seemed to penetrate right through me. Finally, I could take it no longer. He sat there, looking at me-and I returned His gaze. I kept my eyes locked on His, waiting for condemnation, disappointment and disgust to fill His eyes, as He seemed to see the very depths of who I was. But instead, I saw Love. Pure, true and perfect Love. Kindness. Gentleness. A beckoning to come closer, draw nearer and experience what His love could do. Shame lifted. Fear fled. Worry was swept away-washed over by Love.

After a while, He asked me for a tour of my Home and somewhat reluctantly, I gave in. as we made our way through, I showed Him the messes, broken pieces, and disheveledness of my home. I honestly didn’t know how long He would want to stay after seeing this disaster. But instead of walking out, for it being too much, He offered to stay and clean up-mend the broken pieces and put things in order-the way He saw fit. I was unsure at first, but seeing Him stand there with a gentle smile on His face and knowing I wouldn’t have to do it alone, I told Him He could stay. He was so patient with me as we picked up the broken pieces and I shared the stories behind them. He asked questions and spoke in a way that almost made it seem like He had experienced things like it before. Secrets, long buried under piles of shame came to light as He gently removed the debris piece by piece. I was so glad I didn’t have to face those alone, even though it pained me to face the reality of the situations. And he seemed to relate, telling me stories of when some if His closest friends hid secrets from Him.

Some things were painful to get rid of-to let go of. Sometimes I fought with Him about it because I thought I knew better. Patiently, He showed me a better way, explaining each step, but sometimes leaving questions unanswered. Each time, His way worked out better than I could have ever imagined.

It was nice to have Someone know me-really, truly know me and not think that I was too much or not enough. Not once did He mention leaving. Not once did He seem uncomfortable or surprised by what He found. The more I got to know Him, the more I grew to love Him-and receive the love he held out to me.

Through it all, this is what I’ve learned:

His eyes are kind,

They see right through.

They pierce my heart,

Make all things new.

They see the depths,

Yet do not run.

His eyes are kind…

LOVE’S NOT BLIND.

Love Must Be...

"Love must be sincere."  ~Romans 12:9

for some reason, this verse resonated in my heart all day today. it stayed there like saran wrap sticks to you and even when you try and get it off, it always comes back. that's what it was like today.

Love must be sincere.

as i thought about it, i realized that there are many days that i "love" people or put "love" into what i do and/or say...but i really am only doing it half-heartedly. i'm only half-listening...half-paying attention...half-sincere. i might be there in the physical...but mentally, i am a million miles away.

and i realized: that's not really love. you can say one thing, but your actions can tell a completely different story. people usually pick up pretty quickly if you're really interested in what they have to say.

or you might say something, but in your heart you feel/mean something completely different. like when something really great happens to one of your close friends and you say "Oh my goodness, i'm so excited for you!!" but on the inside you're cringing with jealousy.

Love is not jealous.

Love must be sincere.

further on in Romans 12, in verse 15, it says: "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."

this completely goes along with verse 9. as Christians-brothers and sisters in Christ, the Church-we are called to do life together. so that if someone falls, there will be someone there to pick them up. and if someone receives a reward or an accolade, they have people to come along side them and affirm them and rejoice with them. and because we all have different gifts and responsibilities in the Body of Christ, we should rejoice when one of our own receives a blessing! God's Kingdom is being advanced! if we choose to live in jealousy or comparison, we trap ourselves in self-pity, and we are essentially saying that we deserve a gift or reward or recognition from God. when in reality...all is grace. all is a gift.

on the flip side, if we choose to be blind to the needs that others have, whether it be physical, emotional or spiritual, and see ourselves as better than them because of our "status" or "level of spiritual maturity" or "too good" to associate with them...we trap ourselves in pride and miss out on the blessing of being an encouragement to someone who may desperately just need someone to listen to them. what they are going through is completely unique to them. we may never have gone through something like it, but that gives us no position to overlook those who are experiencing it. lots of times, those going through things feel alone...and all they're really looking for is someone to go through the trenches with them. we are called to bear one another's burdens. we weren't meant to go through this life alone.

"Do not be proud...Do not be conceited."  ~Romans 12:16

we have the unique privilege to come around our brothers and sisters in Christ...and unbelievers...to be a picture of what love is like.

Love rejoices with those who rejoice.
Love mourns with those who mourn.
Love must be sincere.

i desire to be sincere in my love. and i guess the only way to really do that is to receive LOVE Himself...and ask Him to love through me and BE in me. i can't give what i don't have. when i have Him...i have true Love...and sincerity...and the desire to honor others above myself and meet them where they're at, whether that means rejoicing with them in a job promotion, beginning a relationship, getting engaged, getting married, having a baby, receiving praise from someone else...or just having a great day. sharing in someone's joy is a gift to them...and to the one rejoicing with them.

i don't want to be so caught up in my own agenda that i miss out on the opportunities to really, truly, sincerely love others...whatever that may look like.

i don't want to be so selfish and jealous, that i can't bring myself to share in the joy of someone else's achievements or blessings.

i don't want to be so prideful and arrogant that i overlook someone who is hurting or needs a listening ear.

i want to be so enraptured with Jesus and put on His love and exchange my heart for His so that the love that comes from me is really HIS Love.

and His Love...is sincere.