Love'sNotBlind

I was afraid of what I’d see. Afraid of what HE would see…if I looked at him. If I really, truly looked at him-his eyes. He would pass by and I would glance his direction, almost pretending I didn’t see him standing there. But as hard as I tried to ignore him, I couldn’t deny him. I felt his gaze; not harsh or uncomfortable-just steady. Persistent. And I think that’s what got me-what caused me to feel unsettled. He wanted to talk with me, spend time with me…just BE with me. Io wanted it too-but I was afraid to face him-afraid he wouldn’t like who I was or what he saw. What if I wasn’t all he expected me to be? What if I disappointed him? And…what if he wasn’t who I thought him to be…and what if he was?

Somewhere deep in my heart, I knew he was safe, fully worthy of my trust. Somewhere deep in my heart, I knew he loved me. Unashamedly and ravishingly. And that’s what scared me. His love. I had loved before and it left me disappointed. What if that happened again? I expected his love and eyes to be the same…I WANTED them to be the same…as the one I loved before, because it was safe. Something familiar. Yet at the same time, I longed for something more. Something deeper.

After many weeks and months of ignoring him, or gathering up the courage to talk to him and then backing out (can I get a witness?!)-after hours of wondering, waiting, and wondering some more what it would be like to talk with him-to actually look at him-his eyes- and spend time with him-I decided to meet him. I wasn’t sure when, but I didn’t want to miss the chance, even though he seemed to show up everywhere I went.

I woke up this morning to a knock at the Door. It was early. I didn’t’ want to get up. Sleep beckoned me…but the knowing was steady. Persistent. I decided to get up and open the Door. And who else was standing there…but Him. He was here. In my Home…at my Door. Could this really be happening? I wasn’t ready…prepared. My Home was messy. I was a mess. And He wanted to come in? He stood there at my Door with a smile on His face, patiently waiting for me to welcome Him in. He didn’t seem to mind the mess, He just wanted to spend time together.

All of my fears came true. All but one.

From the moment I opened the door, I avoided looking into His eyes. I was still afraid to see-and be seen by Him. His gaze seemed to penetrate right through me. Finally, I could take it no longer. He sat there, looking at me-and I returned His gaze. I kept my eyes locked on His, waiting for condemnation, disappointment and disgust to fill His eyes, as He seemed to see the very depths of who I was. But instead, I saw Love. Pure, true and perfect Love. Kindness. Gentleness. A beckoning to come closer, draw nearer and experience what His love could do. Shame lifted. Fear fled. Worry was swept away-washed over by Love.

After a while, He asked me for a tour of my Home and somewhat reluctantly, I gave in. as we made our way through, I showed Him the messes, broken pieces, and disheveledness of my home. I honestly didn’t know how long He would want to stay after seeing this disaster. But instead of walking out, for it being too much, He offered to stay and clean up-mend the broken pieces and put things in order-the way He saw fit. I was unsure at first, but seeing Him stand there with a gentle smile on His face and knowing I wouldn’t have to do it alone, I told Him He could stay. He was so patient with me as we picked up the broken pieces and I shared the stories behind them. He asked questions and spoke in a way that almost made it seem like He had experienced things like it before. Secrets, long buried under piles of shame came to light as He gently removed the debris piece by piece. I was so glad I didn’t have to face those alone, even though it pained me to face the reality of the situations. And he seemed to relate, telling me stories of when some if His closest friends hid secrets from Him.

Some things were painful to get rid of-to let go of. Sometimes I fought with Him about it because I thought I knew better. Patiently, He showed me a better way, explaining each step, but sometimes leaving questions unanswered. Each time, His way worked out better than I could have ever imagined.

It was nice to have Someone know me-really, truly know me and not think that I was too much or not enough. Not once did He mention leaving. Not once did He seem uncomfortable or surprised by what He found. The more I got to know Him, the more I grew to love Him-and receive the love he held out to me.

Through it all, this is what I’ve learned:

His eyes are kind,

They see right through.

They pierce my heart,

Make all things new.

They see the depths,

Yet do not run.

His eyes are kind…

LOVE’S NOT BLIND.